why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
