It's just like the Real World with babies
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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