If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
