Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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