it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
