I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize