No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
