Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize