I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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