True but thats because hes a fetus.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You ruined the universe
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
