Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
