First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
