Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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