please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
We got so high we made milksteak
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
