Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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