Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
