i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
