Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
