I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
