I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
