He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
