im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
