In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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