I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Randomize