I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
