he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
