He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I accidentally burped into my bong.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
