First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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