dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
