you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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