I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
