Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
