my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
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