i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
