if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
