i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
