he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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