No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize