Barsexuality is the new black.
do herpes really smell.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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