My room smells like vodka and shame
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
