U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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