Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
