its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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