I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
