I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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