i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
