did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
