I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
