and next time when you feel me up, do it right
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
