Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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