My nipple is on Facebook.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
