I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
