stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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