All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Omg I joined a choir last night...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
