Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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