I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
