In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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