I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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