call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
cat food counts as protein by the way
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
