Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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