Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
