Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
