I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Randomize
