I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
