Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize