My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
