i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
