our cab driver is having phone sex.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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