You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
