Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
