yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
