We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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