omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
