I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
