let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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