I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
