I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
