Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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