apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Blood and glitter go together right?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
