I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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