Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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