My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
