I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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