I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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