Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
