I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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