Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize