There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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