This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
