how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
