Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
