I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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