I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
