He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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