even my farts smell like vagina
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
