I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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