I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Randomize
