doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
