Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize