Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
