Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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