I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
