Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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