dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
