he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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