Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
