whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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