I'm drive I can fine osifer
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
