oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I believe in your delicious
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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