She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
